long time no see

sigh. i wish i came with better news. unfortunately, it's been 25 days since i last spoke to a person that means a lot to me, and i have yet to hear his side of the story directly from him. i have been finishing up my fall semester and currently have one more assignment to finish, but i miss this boy. it's hard not knowing. not understanding. i understand this: he's overwhelmed. i'm... a lot. i also understand this: we are permanently interwoven in each other's lives. there is no getting rid of each other. what we can do, however, is come up with a better way to interact that protects both of us and our neurodivergent brains. i never intended to develop an anxious-avoidant pattern with him: i only wanted to talk, laugh, and flirt back when he did. but, i am autistic. i am not always sure. i am not trying to make life harder for anyone. i wish he would have told me. i wish we could sit down and talk about what went wrong. to prevent it from happening again. to keep the good parts and send the frustrations into the past. because if i have learned anything from this life, it's that "i know that we haven't always known each other very well but i remember when we did it was always better".

i know that we haven't always known each other very well but i remember when we did it was always better

so, jonah, if you're reading this, i'm sorry again. i miss talking to you. i hope we're okay. i hope your holiday is warm. i hope your heart is full. i hope your brain is kind. i hope we can move forward.

always,
your crow.